Why is it that I struggle so much to lose weight?
It isn't even that much.
I just want to lose enough to be in a healthy body and mind, able to move with ease and wear what I want comfortably with confidence. I want to feel at home in my body and express myself like my inner child desires. I want to feel happy, healthy, and sexy when I look in the mirror.
I'm just tired of carrying all this extra unnecessary WEIGHT on my shoulders.
I don't know how to react when I admit that I have been thinking about this for several years without truly doing anything about it. It seems to me that this has been a life sucker for too long and every time I get close to bettering myself, I slip back into passiveness and don't make it. I don't seem to lose any of the weight, or get into healthier eating habits, and as the years go by I slowly add on a little more to that poor body.
I know that I am far from being alone in this: everybody talks about getting fit and losing weight. It's been and probably always will be something we humans want to perfect, after all, we are attracted to people that look strong, healthy and happy.
So why is it that we are so many to feel like we are not at ease in our bodies yet never seriously take action to replace our unhealthy habits with better ones: do we not respect and love ourselves enough to make a change? Are we complete prisoners of our emotions and our environments?
How many of us binge eat chocolate or any type of sugar or fat foot just because it feels nice and because - oh just today?
I think a lot of us find comfort in the wrong types of food, and it goes the same way with alcohol, cigarettes, drama, clinging on to attention seeking from the lover who doesn't love us back, and holding onto what no longer serves us.
We find comfort in being passive throughout the mundane, we live our lives on semi/total auto pilot according to what's expected of us, without ever waking up and stepping into our sacred self. This robs us of our true divine power and makes us sluggish, completely and utterly miserable at times, seeking one temporary pleasure after the other without realizing that our bliss lies within us and that our reality is limitless.
We don't really think about these things on a Friday night after a long week at work, or whatever else it is you do. No, we just sit in front of a TV series and eat something that feels nice, or perhaps go out and numb ourselves in other ways.
We don't really make it a priority to have good sleeping patterns, physical exercise routines, or practice gratitude and stillness in the now. We forget that we are creators and hold the strings over our realities.
We don't dare to ask ourselves if we are living in joy and which steps we should take to truly be aligned with our deepest desires and wildest freedom. This is the root of the problem: we don't know how to be free. We mask this discomfort with temporary, unhealthy, pleasures that lower our vibrations and enslave us to a lower quality of self.
There's nothing wrong by the way with eating lots of food or drinking time to time, but it has to be done consciously and on special occasions, in my opinion. In a normal daily routine, we shouldn't be numbing ourselves in such ways, we should have the courage to deal with this and create better and healthier habits; but it takes commitment and self work.
Do you know what I have noticed?
When I actually sit with my discomfort and don't get that dessert or don't serve myself a second portion on my plate, don't eat between meals, and perhaps don't eat junk food at all... when I sit with my discomfort, I notice that it's not so much that I am hungry, or devastated to deny myself pleasure, it's more that I somehow start to feel this little unease.
I realise in those moments that I am feeling this way, not because I want the sweet so much, but more because by not putting it in my mouth it creates space for me to feel that I am not entirely where I want to be in life, and not entirely the creator of me.
It feels like a brief disappointment and in those moments I do realise that I need to be better connected with my higher self and inner sacredness in order to overcome this unease, this clinging to food, that is after all our "survival mode" and primal "quick - feel good" instinct.
This unease is actually physically palpable, I can locate the sensation in my body as well as the emotion. I can see it for what it really is. It's a form of anxiety. It's a form of fear. Emotions about myself, life, and others that are unprocessed. It's an addiction. This is me being addicted to eating in order to not look within and ask myself how I really am. This is me numbing myself because it feels better to feel full for a moment and feel that sensation in my belly, rather than something else. It's a distraction for the mind and the senses too.
It's me not honouring my true power. It's me being passively addicted to the wrong types of food and the wrong types of eating habits because that's what I've picked up in my environment and from my experiences, it's the programme my brain goes by and so in order to change my habits I need to rewire my brain and download a whole new programme.
It is undoubtedly within myself, my divine intuition, and the abundance of the universe that I must trust to start to explore better habits. I already know what to do, I just need the self love, motivation, and space to go ahead.
This is something that I have been making a priority to focus on over the past months - and especially with a new year 2021 in place, I have slowly started to put together that you can't eat your way through life... or through TV series, or iPhone scrolls, or whatever other things we do to enjoy ourselves but not be in-joy-ourselves.
No one else than me is going to make a change.
Being happy and healthy isn't the easy work, but it is the conscious choice of respecting and loving yourself enough to live your days by being present and committed to your wellbeing.
I feel like this is a snowball effect, so the more you are committed to rewiring your brain and create healthier and happier habits for yourself, the more you will blossom and be in charge.